Growing up I can’t remember that my mother did much of what I saw as self care. Both my parents did however have hobbies and spend a lot of time being activists and seeing friends. As a child I got to tag along a lot. A lot of what they did centered around others, so maybe it’s no surprise that I did the same. I’ve spent most of my life feeling that my worth was determined by how much I showed up for others. Many times I said yes when I should have said no. I didn’t know how to set boundaries and I thought that if I did no one would want me in their life. 

So many times over the past two years people have questioned why I don’t work in the delivery ward any more as I obviously love it. It’s not a simple answer, but it’s a conscious choice. During my time as a nurse I found myself working in a way that was not always aligned with my ethics and the quality of care I want to give. I decided when I became a Midwife that I would choose to work in spaces where I could be proud of the care I give. Unfortunately there is a system in Sweden that is functioning but not excelling, and that is our delivery wards all over the country. Some work better than others. Every year there are articles in the news about midwife shortages, delivery wards struggling in summer, midwives leaving the profession, etc., etc. This is nothing new, it has been going on for years. 

When Opokua asked me to be a part of her Hypnodoula training together with her sister Asabea I really wanted to say yes. But it fell on the same weekend I was on call for a home birth, so I had to think a bit (and ask my friend who’s birth it was) if it was okay. I booked the train so I would be out of Malmö for only 25 hours and took the night train (spoiler, I made it back just in time to be present at the birth). 

Over the years some friends have asked me to be a part of their birth, as a Doula or a Midwife. The first birth I ever attended was a when my friend gave birth to her first child. It’s very special to be invited in to that intimate space of birth of someone you know. To be trusted in a time that is very special and also can be very revealing, it is something I don’t take lightly. Birth has its highs and lows. It can be unpredictable in many ways. Emotions can be triggered, it can be raw, animalistic, like a storm. It can also be calm, beautiful and peaceful, like water on a lake on a calm day. It can be all of these at once or mixed together. It can make the person that is giving birth feel naked and exposed. Not everyone feels comfortable inviting someone in that they know.

Many overlook the fact that they need to prepare for breastfeeding during pregnancy. Though people seem to think it’s important to prepare for the birth journey many seem to not give breastfeeding a thought. There seems to be an inherent belief that breastfeeding is natural and “just works”. But I believe that just like preparing for birth, preparing for breastfeeding can be incredibly helpful. I have seen this in my work in postnatal care a lot, that the people that are prepared give it more time and effort as they have more realistic expectations of what breastfeeding is like. 

Before I became a parent myself I thought a lot about what kind of parent I wanted to be. I had worked short periods in daycare as a teen and been an Au Pair in the US. I didn't want my kids to be spoiled, I wanted them to listen, I wanted them to act "right". When I became a mom at age 22 I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a good mom and to have a child that acted "right". It caused me a lot of stress and looking back I think I was quite mean to my daughter at times. It's nothing I'm proud of, I just didn't know better. My parenting as I described it back then was "Threaten, bribe, punish and sometimes scare." 

The best preparations for my first birth actually started long before I got pregnant with my daughter. When I was 12 I started taking dance classes. I was a very shy and introverted child, but somehow I fell in love with dance. I had always loved music, I grew up in a home with a father who always had the radio on, and took great pride in his record collection and his vinyl player. I don’t remember dancing though. But one day I saw ballroom dancing on TV and told my mom I wanted to go to dance class, so she took me. After that I started dreaming of becoming a professional dancer. I spent hours making up my own choreography in my room, and as the years went by I took more and more classes. I started with jazz, and then tried everything my dance school had to offer, hip hop, contemporary, breakdance, afro and yoga for dancers.

One thing that makes me kind of sad is when women don’t see their own magic and their own power. I became a midwife because I read a bunch of pregnancy books during my first pregnancy and realised how amazing the female body is and how magical we really are. The more I read, the more amazed I was. I have attended close to a hundred or more births as a midwife and a Doula and I am amazed every time by the power, the strength, the magic of birth. But this is not the only time we are magical. I know so many women that have been through horrible experiences, rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, etc. And still they are living in the world today as functional human beings. That is magical. 

I thought about this today when I was frying pancakes for the kids and thought about how much pressure society puts on us as women. 

If you don’t have a partner you’re a failure (preferably you should have a husband). 

If you don’t have children you’re a failure (because you should want kids, you are a woman). 

If you want to give birth at home instead of the hospital you are irresponsible (or may even be called crazy or selfish). 

If we do not fit into the norm of what we should do then people have opinions. 

But it’s your life, you get to choose, it’s not selfish it’s just being the main character in your own life. I think we would all benefit from people taking a step back and asking themselves “What do I want?” And then being brutally honest with themselves. Don’t do what you think you should do, do what you want to do, what makes you happy. It may be one thing today and another tomorrow, but it’s your life, live it!

Let’s focus on some hospital the routines after baby is born. 

Over the last years the norm has changed in Sweden when it comes to cutting the cord. Delayed cord clamping is currently the norm in the hospitals. This means to wait for 3 minutes or more after baby is born to cut the umbilical cord. As about ⅓ of the baby's blood is in the umbilical cord and the placenta at birth it's very important that baby gets this blood. 

When the father of my boys came into our lives my daughter and I had been each others whole family for more than 8 years. I knew that I wanted to maintain a closeness in our relationship and made sure we had one on one time, just her and I. Of course when her brother arrived it was with him at first, but as he started to space out breastfeeding and he started to eat other foods we could be gone for longer. We went for coffee, went to the movies or went shopping. Sometimes my daughter would specifically ask for time together just her and I and I knew I had to make that happen. This is something I have maintained in different ways over the years, and I am so glad I have. My daughter is one of my favorite people to spend time with, my broke bestie.

I took a hiatus from social media for a couple of weeks. I was starting to feel overwhelmed and pressured to show up in a way I didn’t feel I wanted. My kids started their summer break and I didn’t want them to feel like I was constantly on my phone. Previously I have gone on hiatus and deleted Instagram, I didn’t do that this time so I have kind of been cheating. But it gave me a break from feeling I have to post, and considering what I want to post.

Session 3 of Hypnobirthing ends with a Fear Release exercise, it is my favorite HB script. At the end of this exercise we reclaim our power. Every time I read that script I imagine that I reclaim my power as well, just like the parents to be in my class. The energy in the room after that exercise is always very powerful. 

“I’m taking back the power that I relinquished to you. I know I am fully capable of calling upon my own inner power and strength to ensure my own wellbeing. I know I am an integral part of this wonderful universe, and I have within my the ability to reclaim and use all the power I gave to others.”

Here I will cover some of the most common hospital routines when it comes to giving birth in Sweden. If you are currently pregnant or plan to get pregnant and give birth in Sweden, then this is the post for you!

Firstly I want to remind you that healthcare is optional in Sweden and you are entitled, by law, to make informed decisions when dealing with health care. All health care in Sweden is offered to you and you can choose to opt out of some options if you so please. 

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be raising boys, not only as a single mother, but also in general. I think there’s a certain awareness needed to raise boys that will become men. As we live in a world with a lot of men who struggle with dealing with emotions, I think one of the most important things is to teach them how to understand and express their emotions. I’m very physically close to my children; lots of hugs and kisses, lots of cuddles. I can’t remember where I heard this, but “hug your children until they pull away” is something I live by. Sometimes they need a long silent hug, sometimes they need a quick hug.

I created a course to prep for breastfeeding I think over a year ago, but I didn’t get many sign ups in person. Then I decided I need to move it online, to make it mor accessible. But the interest has been quite mellow. I think this is because people that have never breastfed don’t understand how good it can be to come prepared for this journey. To prepare for birth is something many understand and choose to do, but breastfeeding? That’s just natural, right? Wrong!

Over the years I’ve been told countless times “You have so much patience.” Sometimes the person saying it is surprised, sometimes they say it like it’s this incredible thing I do. I don’t know when people started saying I was patient, maybe the last ten years or so? But I think I wasn’t always patient. I think it’s something that has developed through the situations I’ve been in. 

If you have followed me on Instagram, YouTube or read the blog for a while you know there have been some inconsistencies in how active I have been. The first thing that gets put on pause is YouTube because it is incredibly time consuming to edit a video and I have to be in a good mental space to show up on camera. The next thing to go is the blog. The last thing is IG.

Because I am a product of an interracial relationship people have assumed my entire life that I’m some kind of poster child for this. That of course I’m going to grab a set of pompoms and cheer every time I see an interracial relationship or a biracial child. I don’t. And I have stopped feeling guilty (because people put this pressure on me in regards to this so I started feeling guilty when I couldn’t be that cheerleader) for not thinking interracial relationships are the thing that will end racism and bring about world peace. I know very few interracial relationships that are healthy.

Hypnobirthing Unit 4: Overview & Summary of Childbirth

Hypnobrithing Unit 5: Birthing - The final act & bonding

The last two sessions of Hypnobirthing go through the birth from surges to the birth of the placenta. In the lest session some time is dedicated to the 4th trimester and breastfeeding. We continue to work on our visualizations and deep relaxation practises, but I would say these sessions are very much focused on creating a solid knowledge base that makes the person giving birth and their support person feel safe and secure. Unit 4 has a section that highlights the birth companion’s role and gives specific tips on what to do. B.R.A.I.N.S. is also introduced here.