To be invited in
Over the years some friends have asked me to be a part of their birth, as a Doula or a Midwife. The first birth I ever attended was a when my friend gave birth to her first child. It’s very special to be invited in to that intimate space of birth of someone you know. To be trusted in a time that is very special and also can be very revealing, it is something I don’t take lightly. Birth has its highs and lows. It can be unpredictable in many ways. Emotions can be triggered, it can be raw, animalistic, like a storm. It can also be calm, beautiful and peaceful, like water on a lake on a calm day. It can be all of these at once or mixed together. It can make the person that is giving birth feel naked and exposed. Not everyone feels comfortable inviting someone in that they know.
When I get to attend a birth of someone I know it also means that I get to see a little person be born and watch them grow for years to come. To say “I was there when you were born.” And know that it may not mean anything to that child, but to me it’s beyond special.
To be asked to hold space, to keep someone safe, to be so deeply trusted feels amazing and something I don’t take for granted. I feel so moved when I am asked if I want to be there for my friends, it feels so special to be trusted so deeply. But of course it also comes with another level of responsibility and pressure. “What if something goes wrong?” Is a question I ask myself when this trust is placed in my hands. Things don’t always go right at birth, so it’s something that needs to be considered. Some of my Midwife collagues refuse to care for people they know during birth, they think it is too big of a respsonsability. But how can I say no when I know that me saying yes means they will get support by someone that truly cares for them and their family? That will consider all the options and not take any risks, it’s not just another day at work, it is the day.
Putting acupressure beads in my friend’s ear during early labor.
I choose my home birth clients carefully, I choose my Doula clients with my gut. There are a lot of nos because it’s very stressful to be on call and not knowing when baby will come and if I will be able to make it. My clients are not just clients to me, and I have become friends with some of the families that started out as clients. Birth is sacred. We give birth to a few children and it’s a memory that stays with us forever. For me it’s just not work, if you ask me to be there when you give birth I want to be able to be there. Be present, be calm, trust the process and safeguard it if I can. I am grateful for being invited in, for being trusted. I don’t take this for granted, I don’t take it lightly. And over the years I’ve learned to trust the process, if I’m meant to be there I will. In those intense moments when hours and minutes disappear and the power of our bodies grows light thunder approaching. In that second when time slows down and a new life enters the world.
