Taking care of the mother of my children

Growing up I can’t remember that my mother did much of what I saw as self care. Both my parents did however have hobbies and spend a lot of time being activists and seeing friends. As a child I got to tag along a lot. A lot of what they did centered around others, so maybe it’s no surprise that I did the same. I’ve spent most of my life feeling that my worth was determined by how much I showed up for others. Many times I said yes when I should have said no. I didn’t know how to set boundaries and I thought that if I did no one would want me in their life. 

But life has a way of teaching you lessons, and if you pay attention you can learn and grow. I have learned, the hard way, that I need to take care of me. For all of my three children I am the main parent. I’m the one that helps with homework, helps them figure life out, I’m their biggest cheerleader and their shoulder to cry on. I cut their nails, taught them to ride their bikes, make sure they have the right clothes for the season, and so much more. It’s on me. And sometimes that is incredibly overwhelming and hard, but most days it’s so rewarding to get to be so present in their lives. To know them so well, to understand them, and get to see how they grow and find their way in this world. 

Spa day with the Sistas of KK.

All this is of course very draining and I’m often very tired at the end of the day. But I have learned that I need to prioritize self care. For me that looks like long baths, often reading a book, taking care of my body through long walks with the dog, exercising at home, going to various body workers, taking care of my mind by doing therapy and journaling, pouring into my cup by spending time with my friends, traveling. Even if some of these things takes me away from my children temporarily I think the gain is worth so much. In exchange they get a happier, calmer and more balanced mom. By taking care of me I take care of the mother of my children so that the mother of my children can take care of my children. :) 

My daughter has taught me a lot about boundaries and self care. She is the queen of both. She prioritizes things that make her feel good, she will clearly state when she doesn’t want to interact with anyone and she will spend her money on things that make her feel good about herself. I love that. And it has inspired me to do the same.  

I think as mothers we easily forget ourselves and society puts pressure on us to do it all. And in doing it all, work, partner, children, home, workout, etc there is very little space for us to pour in to ourselves. We feel selfish if we do something that is centered around our needs. But if we constantly give and give, there will come a point when the well runs dry and there is no more to give. So in pouring in to ourselves we can continue to give to our families and all the other people in our lives. I wish someone would have told me that growing up: Take care of you just as well as you take care of everyone else.

Portugal, my love.