raising boys
“I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man”
Jill Scott - The Fact Is (I Need You)
Lately I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be raising boys, not only as a single mother, but also in general. I think there’s a certain awareness needed to raise boys that will become men. As we live in a world with a lot of men who struggle with dealing with emotions, I think one of the most important things is to teach them how to understand and express their emotions. I’m very physically close to my children; lots of hugs and kisses, lots of cuddles. I can’t remember where I heard this, but “hug your children until they pull away” is something I live by. Sometimes they need a long silent hug, sometimes they need a quick hug.
I try to help my sons find the words for what they are feeling because often they say they don’t know what they are feeling, which I know will change with age. I let my sons cry, I let them wrestle each other, I do my best to let them figure out what they like and don’t like. It’s amazing to see how they grow and figure stuff out.
My 11 year old has become very polite and responsible over the last months. He’s very caring and sweet, I usually say he has his emotions outside of his body, he is an extrovert. And my 7 year old is finding his own way more and more and not always following the lead of his brother. He is more of an introvert and has a personality that is very similar to how I was as a child. I try to pay attention to their traits and parent according to their personalities, push them in the areas they need pushing and encourage them to continue to excel in the areas they already do.
I think all children benefit from having different role models in their lives, not just their parents. And this is something I think of a lot for my boys. Since I’m not a male I know they can’t relate to me fully and I not to them. So I try to think of different ways for them to have males in their lives. Their school has a lot of male teachers which I think is good. And my youngest plays soccer with a male coach and a female coach.
My son holding my hand in his sleep.
As a mom I can do a lot, and I am, but I’m also very aware that I can’t teach them how to be men. But I can teach them how to be good humans that also are men, and that is my goal.
