A love letter to myself

I’m writing this from an airport on my way back to Sweden from possibly the most magical week of my life. Where do I even begin? 

I’ve been following Weini for years and know that her and Lwam were hosting retreats called Desta retreats in Zanzibar. It’s been a bucketlist location and I’ve been looking at retreats and yoga teacher trainings for like 8-9 years by now. But in the past the Desta retreats have taken place in February and it hasn’t worked out for me because that’s usually when we go to South Africa. But this time the retreat was going to take place in November. I sent Lwam & Weini a bunch of questions the last one being “Is it worth it?” We laughed remembering this at the retreat. Less than 24 hours in I could answer that question: Yes, yes, yes! It was worth it. 

As a single mom it’s hard to get in time for myself to recover. But I’ve become better at taking care of myself these past couple of years. So I put my trust in the universe that everything would work out: work, kids, dog & finances. And they did! I did have major guilt for going on vacation for so many days without my children and was also very worried that something may happen to them while I’m gone. But deep down I knew everything would be fine. 

Every morning we did yoga on the roof top as the sun rose over the Indian Ocean

When I got picked up at the airport in Zanzibar I was exhausted, stinky and overwhelmed. The drive to our accommodation was great. I got to see different parts of the Southern part of Zanzibar and my driver was very sweet to point different things out and answered questions. 

When I checked in to the accommodation Weini & Lwam just happened to be there! It was so nice to meet familiar faces. Weini took me to my room and it all felt like I was in a dream. How could this place really exist? How could this be my room? I didn’t really have words, I was so blown away I couldn’t fully feel. There was a free standing bathtub, that is my dream of all dreams. Taking baths is my recharge, my me time and also where I feel most intuitive. 

The days were well curated and we could opt in or out of activities however we pleased. Daily there was sunrise yoga and sunset yoga. I think I only missed one evening class when we were in Stone Town. I made every morning class! This was a shock since I’m not a morning person at all. But I started to wake up before my alarm and the last day I was up at 5:20 and saw the sunrise over the Indian Ocean one last time. Every sunrise was different, but they all felt magical. 

Desta retreat is a yoga & movement retreat for people of color. It creates a safe space to slow down, connect to self and to get to know new people. Our group was a group of only Black women, which felt magical. The word “Desta” means joy in Amharic and I can’t describe it any other way. The whole week was laced with laughter, a playfulness and connection. I felt gratitude for giving myself this time and this trip from the moment I arrived to the moment my flight left the runway. I met 12 amazing women who all showed up so authentically, so vulnerable. I didn’t consider that I would gain sisters during this trip, but I truly have. I now have new friends in the US, Stockholm and Germany. I love that. 

Every retreat is a bit different but this time they added a cooking class with Mamas of Zanzibar. This is an activity I would never have chosen myself but it turned out to be my favorite activity. A room full of black women connecting over food, life, being women. There was so much laughter and joy in those hours we spent with the Mama’s. I am so happy I got to be a part of that as the retreat. And the food was amazing! 

I could list everything that happened over the week, but it would be such a long post, so I won’t. But it’s going to be hard to return to regular life after this. 

The view from our “front yard”

I left Zanzibar feeling so rested, grounded and so held. My mind feels clear, my body taken care of and my heart is full. Thank you Lwam & Weini and all my new dadas, you made this the most beautiful week of my life. Asante sana!

This picture is taken at Shanti Café in Jambiani